Letting the Air out of the “G” in “Guilt”
I have heard it a hundred times… the minute it leaves my mouth… “I’m moving to Florida” and I get 8 out of 10 times “Aren’t you going to miss your family?” Well, OF COURSE I will, and as the time draws to a close here, the feelings start to intensify on every level. Since I promised I would always tell you the truth on all sides of relocation, today’s is all about dealing with the GUILT side of it all. Grab a cup of Joe, sit back, and enjoy today’s read. I do know it is Fridays with Friends day, and our friend will be sharing the spotlight today, but only because we are getting so close to the end here.
I have been within 20 miles of my own Mother since leaving the nest in 1993. For the almost 18 years I have been married, she has never been farther than a stone’s throw away . I took online College courses, so I never left home to go to school- and having been married literally a year after High School, she has been there for every major event- including IN the birthing rooms of both of my girls. So, how am I dealing with the guilt that after 36 years I won’t have her close anymore? Well, if me crying while I write this is any indication, I am struggling with it. Here’s the thing, you can’t have it ALL. I know people THINK they have it all, but you really can’t. Life is all about choices, and this dream with Carl and the girls is so special to me, that I know it will hopefully outgrow the pain of leaving my Mom. Now, she is coming to visit in the Fall with the RV, and then for Christmas, and hopefully I may even go to visit her in the Spring next year, pending WI has no snow when I arrive.
So how do you deal with it? I simply talked to her about it. She has on more than one occasion said these words “Go live your dreams, I will be fine.” I know she will be, even if my Step-Dad on occasion drives her nuts, but I know that the relationship we have had oh these many years is about to change. My brother lives in MN, so he never really visits that much, and my Dad lives in WI too, but he might as well live on another planet because he isn’t the “visit” type either. So it’s felt like Me and Mom these past years, and I have been ok with that because she is my best friend.
With all that said, you can’t live your life around pleasing others. If you have a dream, OWN it, and live it out! God put us on this Earth to do his will, and I feel that our dreams ARE his will and that he places them in our hearts and minds to go and live them out. He knows we love our families and friends, and you don’t have to tell me twice how important LOVE and FAMILY is. But my Mom even said, “You can’t stay here just to avoid the pain of leaving.” And that is SOOOOOO true! But, the pain is real and it still hurts.
So, as the Mark Schultz song goes, “What Do You Do With The Time That’s Left?” Of course in the song, he is talking about on this Earth, where as when I hear it, I’m thinking of it in terms of my WI clock ticking away. We are down to 2 weeks today, and the pain of saying goodbye is trying to get a hold of me. I wouldn’t be human if I wasn’t sad to say goodbye, but I feel like there is something greater and bigger waiting for all of us in FL that I could never dream of.
Deal with the guilt as best you can, because it is just a part of this process. It isn’t the type of guilt you feel if you have stolen something, or lied to someone- it’s the kind that roots in love and maybe just makes us all aware of how good we did have it, but better things are to come. I am dealing, and as I write this at 5 a.m. on the floor of my empty living room, I am quite grateful I have this blog to write out how I feel and share with others the many stages of moving. What did help for me is reminders of WHY we made this choice, WHY we want to live there, and WHY we don’t want to live HERE anymore. It would certainly help me right now if we had 10 inches of snow outside to REALLY remind me! LOL Alas, it’s going to be in the 70’s today. Well, I have to go prep the yard sale for Day Two, and hopefully the last one, as it seems it’s going to rain tomorrow. Blog will go up tonight or tomorrow about the yard sale with lots of pictures.
I leave you with this…You will never know the power of a dream until you pursue it.