Controlled by the Numbers
I always wrestle with talking about this issue, but I feel like we have all been conditioned to it over the past decade and just maybe someone out there gets where I am coming from.
You write a blog post, take a picture, share a status on some Social Media platform…and you wait. Who will comment? Who will “Like” it? Oh, did someone new follow me? And so it happens, and honestly I can’t stand it. Why? Because it doesn’t become about the content you are sharing, but the outcome of it instead. It’s like reading your story in front of a large stadium of people and you just hope that someone raises their hand and comments, someone stands up and asks to buy your book. Its just a weird game to play.
I will be coming up on a month soon here of blogging again, and I have had excellent feedback – and I appreciate it. But I find myself checking my stats all day long, checking Instagram or Facebook constantly, and I wonder if this is how I have to play to share. Do any of you really like it? The feeling that I get with checking and then the high of seeing a new “like” just to crash the next day with an “unfollow” is honestly embarassing. The problem is that it’s never enough, is it. Another one here, another one there, it truly is the ebb and flow of your work’s popularity. And there there are those who “buy” their followers…come on, we know you do it, and I don’t know how that makes you feel good. If you have ten thousand bought, you will still want more, and more, and more.
So where is the balance? Well checking less definitely helps. Trying to share and not care about the numbers is a rough spot I have gotten myself in, only because I am on the bandwagon of “the more the merrier.” I used to think my numbers were so awesome, and then I see sites with 10,000 plus, then 100,000 plus and it really starts to work on your head. Why am I not good enough for those? Does my work just plain suck? Just being honest folks, a peek into my brain is one scary ride.
Maybe you handle it differently, maybe it doesn’t affect you at all. I am trying to not let it get to me and realize the love I have already should always be enough to enjoy the journey of writing. I’ll get there. Maybe.
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