Nope, not a travel post, sorry. Something that has been weighing on my chest, literally, has been this wonderful season of my life called “Perimenopause.” For those under the age of 35,  it is the time during a womans life when all hell decides to break loose. Oh no, it’s not the “Main Event” yet, that get’s to come AFTER this S*show, it’s the coming attractions! I had been warned, oh yes, I had been warned. But are we ever really ready for this ladies? PMS was enough, menstrual cycles were enough, but now, this tornado of “whatever goes” is a freaking nightmare!

I have been training for 2 and a half months now for my next Disney race, and I cannot tell you what a rollercoaster my body has been on. Trying to run my normal pace, but also keep a speed so I don’t catch whiff of the balloon ladies, it has just been incredibly hard. One day I wake up with sunshine pouring out, and the next day I am ready to rage against the person who forgot to put the toilet paper on the roll. I am constantly in a cycle of apologies and tears from my hormones on this endless merry-go-round that I want to get off of. Poor Craig, I am not sure how he handles all of this. And this is just the PRE?

Oh, and LOSING WEIGHT?? Nice try! I have been intermittent fasting, taking protein shakes, eating my veggies and fruit, watching the carbs, taking vitamins, exercising, weight training, and STILL that scale moves maybe a couple of pounds? I KNEW I shouldn’t step on it anymore, but I was curious. It’s like my baby tummy doesn’t want to move from its previous residence, no matter how many times I try to evict it. Thighs? God, I hate my thighs. When asked what I love most about my body and hate, I love my blue eyes, and I HATE my thighs. I have begun to wonder if I store my superpowers in there. Probably just the never-ending fat I CANNOT GET RID OF!!

It’s one thing to love your body, no body shaming to anyone here. But it is damn difficult to not shame yourself when you are ACTIVELY TRYING EVERY DAY. I bust my ass to get up at 5 a.m. to run, thinking that the training eventually helps melt the pounds away. Well of course I think this, it did several years ago. But I wasn’t perimenopausal then, I was still young. Sorry, this is turning into a pity party BUT I AM ANGRY. Why can’t I have the size 8 body again? Why can’t I buy Medium instead of Extra-Large? One thing I LOVE about this generation, is that yall seem to LOVE your body shapes, and I am so proud of you for it.  I think I have been conditioned for too long to think that no matter what, if I wasn’t a size 8, I was just a fat girl. That those fat thighs would never look good in a swim suit, do you know how embarrassed and ashmed I am to wear just a one piece even? God, it’s pathetic. I just feel like I already had body issues and then adding this all on top of it just makes me try harder but with zero results.

I don’t know, anyone else feel like this? How are you dealing with it? And if you answer “Large quantities of Alcohol” you are my kind of people! LOL

Published by Amy Joy

Inspiring adventure and joy, one day at a time. View all posts by Amy Joy